Mariska Hargitay (Detective Benson on Law & Order: SVU) is on the cover of More magazine this month with the quote "My life began at 30 and took off at 40." I'm starting to think my life might be trending the same way.
I didn't think much of turning 30. No panic attacks. No excitement. To me, age is arbitrary. It tells you only that someone's been around for some length of time. I used to think age was a big deal. I had PLANS and they all related to my age. By 21 meet the man of my dreams and get engaged. By 25 have at least one kid and a rocking career. By 30, take over the world.
None of that has happened. I'm 30 and I'm single - never been married. I don't have any kids. If I have one in the next 9 months, run into hiding because we're about to have another Immaculate Conception and you know that means the end of the world if *I* am the bearer of that child. I don't have a career, I have a job.
For a while, the fact that I had apparently failed at my life bothered me. No, I didn't get engaged in college - I barely dated anyone. I haven't been married - but I've been engaged twice. Of course, it was to the same guy and he turned out to be an abusive ass. I don't have any kids, but sweet God, I have no idea how I'd been feeding them if I did. My plans for world domination might be proceeding, but if I told you that, I'd have to kill you.
However, when I focus on what I have done, I'm pleased with my life. I moved all the way across the country, to a city where I knew only one person. I graduated from law school when I was 25 and was recruited to work on a death penalty case. When we got the conviction and death sentence, I was 28. How many 28 year-old lawyers can say that they played a significant role in a capital murder case?
I started a master's program while working on that case and went to school full-time while we were in trial, working 80 hours per week. I completed the coursework for my MA and a certificate in crime analysis just after turning 29. I took the comprehensive exam to complete the MA this October and expect to graduate in December, just 3 months after turning 30.
I took my first trip out of the country and I can't wait to go again. I have no idea why I hadn't wanted to trek out before 2009, but I'm so glad I finally went. (In case you're reading this, thanks Mom! She funded the trip.)
By pretty much any standard, My 20s were a productive time. I believe I was meant to do all of it. But in a lot of ways, it didn't feel like my LIFE. It's been like playing a sport or an instrument because someone else told you to, rather than you doing it because you're driven to do it. I took ballet lessons for 8 or 9 years because my mom wanted me to. I did it, but you could tell my heart wasn't in it.
And now, at 30, I'm making my life happen rather than waiting to see what comes to me. I'm deciding what I want and striving for it. I've met a lot of people and experienced a lot of shit over the last 10 years and it's all influenced who I am today. I love myself more now than I ever have before and that's obviously a big deal.
The thing is, my life couldn't start until I loved myself enough to live it.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Saturday, October 29, 2011
On writing
National Novel Writing Month is set to start in a couple days and I am STOKED. Finally have the general plot of the book planned out. I need to spend some time this weekend working on developing the main character, but that shouldn't be too hard.
The character is based on a friend of mine from my days at UF and I gave her the basic rundown of the story. Her responses (via text): "omg I am so pathetic," "I'm an asshole. It's true in real life too," and ":)." It's a pretty classic storyline, but it's a classic for a reason. My focus isn't really the story, but the characters. That's what people really want - good characters.
I have some bad news though - I won't be able to blog the story. Since I hope to publish it one day, I can't publish it before then. Makes sense - why would someone publish a book in hard copy that they want people to buy when people can find the book for free? However, I don't object to sharing the story. If you'd like to read it as I go, email your email address to doseoflyndsy@gmail.com (or leave me a note on Facebook) and I'll send it to you as often as you'd like it (daily, weekly, when it's done, whatever). I expect to be writing daily, though some days may be heavier than others. On average, to complete 50,000 words in 30 days, I have to write 1,667 words/day. I expect that my story will actually end up somewhere in the neighborhood of 75,000 words, so I'll be aiming more for 2,500 words/day.
Perhaps I should give you a little background... This book is the first in a three-book series. The three books revolve around a small group of friends - three women who met in a class their senior year of college and a male friend of one of the girls. Each book will involve all three women, but focus on only one of them. Tracie is up first (mostly because my real life friend told me that she still reads my first NaNoWriMo attempt (she was a character in that one too) so I told her I'd make her the star of this one). I mentioned to another friend that if she wasn't careful, I might turn her life into a story and she said she'd be okay with that, so Alexia is book two. Since my ego is mighty, I am the basis for the character in the last book. Raeqwanda promises to be an interesting character!
I need to backtrack for a minute here and explain what's really driving me to write. I've always wanted to make some kind of difference in the world. I used to think that it meant I had to do something HUGE. But I couldn't figure out how. I also love movies and books. They give you a chance to escape to another place for a few hours. Usually, you walk away from the story feeling better, hopeful, or maybe just thoughtful. For years I've wanted to add to the already huge list of escapes.
Every now and then, as you know, I'll stop blogging for a while. Inevitably when I do, I'll get a Facebook message from someone who says, "Miss your blog!" and I'm spurred into writing again. I've even had people tell me that I write what they're feeling and they're glad I'm brave enough to say it, since they aren't about to put it out there for the whole of the internet to read.
I'm always floored when I get these messages. 1. I am ALWAYS shocked when someone tells me they like the blog - since I don't really think people read it that much. A lot more people read than I thought. 2. I like that my utter lack of shame helps other people feel less alone. The only consistent "career" goal I've ever had in my life is to help people. And I find out I'm doing it! And I didn't know it!! 3. My ego loves being fed.
I read a lot of chick lit and I love most of it. But some of it just irritates the hell out of me. Confessions of a Shopaholic (and following novels) by Sophie Kinsella is just that type. They're really unrealistic. A shopaholic who gets responsible through deceit and out of necessity, and then meets an incredibly wealthy man who enables her to shop like a nutter. Um, really? I know there's a place for it, but I like to read something that's going to lift me up and seem possible in my life. And that's what I hope to write.
I want characters you could know in real life, who might even be us. Who you think, "That is SO *insert name here.*" Who help you sort things out in your own life by what they go through. Essentially, I want to take my blog and make characters out of it.
Will I find success? Only time will tell, but I expect it'll be an amazing adventure!
The character is based on a friend of mine from my days at UF and I gave her the basic rundown of the story. Her responses (via text): "omg I am so pathetic," "I'm an asshole. It's true in real life too," and ":)." It's a pretty classic storyline, but it's a classic for a reason. My focus isn't really the story, but the characters. That's what people really want - good characters.
I have some bad news though - I won't be able to blog the story. Since I hope to publish it one day, I can't publish it before then. Makes sense - why would someone publish a book in hard copy that they want people to buy when people can find the book for free? However, I don't object to sharing the story. If you'd like to read it as I go, email your email address to doseoflyndsy@gmail.com (or leave me a note on Facebook) and I'll send it to you as often as you'd like it (daily, weekly, when it's done, whatever). I expect to be writing daily, though some days may be heavier than others. On average, to complete 50,000 words in 30 days, I have to write 1,667 words/day. I expect that my story will actually end up somewhere in the neighborhood of 75,000 words, so I'll be aiming more for 2,500 words/day.
Perhaps I should give you a little background... This book is the first in a three-book series. The three books revolve around a small group of friends - three women who met in a class their senior year of college and a male friend of one of the girls. Each book will involve all three women, but focus on only one of them. Tracie is up first (mostly because my real life friend told me that she still reads my first NaNoWriMo attempt (she was a character in that one too) so I told her I'd make her the star of this one). I mentioned to another friend that if she wasn't careful, I might turn her life into a story and she said she'd be okay with that, so Alexia is book two. Since my ego is mighty, I am the basis for the character in the last book. Raeqwanda promises to be an interesting character!
I need to backtrack for a minute here and explain what's really driving me to write. I've always wanted to make some kind of difference in the world. I used to think that it meant I had to do something HUGE. But I couldn't figure out how. I also love movies and books. They give you a chance to escape to another place for a few hours. Usually, you walk away from the story feeling better, hopeful, or maybe just thoughtful. For years I've wanted to add to the already huge list of escapes.
Every now and then, as you know, I'll stop blogging for a while. Inevitably when I do, I'll get a Facebook message from someone who says, "Miss your blog!" and I'm spurred into writing again. I've even had people tell me that I write what they're feeling and they're glad I'm brave enough to say it, since they aren't about to put it out there for the whole of the internet to read.
I'm always floored when I get these messages. 1. I am ALWAYS shocked when someone tells me they like the blog - since I don't really think people read it that much. A lot more people read than I thought. 2. I like that my utter lack of shame helps other people feel less alone. The only consistent "career" goal I've ever had in my life is to help people. And I find out I'm doing it! And I didn't know it!! 3. My ego loves being fed.
I read a lot of chick lit and I love most of it. But some of it just irritates the hell out of me. Confessions of a Shopaholic (and following novels) by Sophie Kinsella is just that type. They're really unrealistic. A shopaholic who gets responsible through deceit and out of necessity, and then meets an incredibly wealthy man who enables her to shop like a nutter. Um, really? I know there's a place for it, but I like to read something that's going to lift me up and seem possible in my life. And that's what I hope to write.
I want characters you could know in real life, who might even be us. Who you think, "That is SO *insert name here.*" Who help you sort things out in your own life by what they go through. Essentially, I want to take my blog and make characters out of it.
Will I find success? Only time will tell, but I expect it'll be an amazing adventure!
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Giving it a go
A while ago, I posted about talent and how I wished I were a good writer.
Since then I've decided that I AM a good writer. And that it's what I want to be when I grow up. I've decided to take my writing seriously and see if I can get published. My first attempt is going to get jump started by NaNoWriMo this November. Thirty days, fifty thousand words. Totally doable. I completed it in 2005, but haven't really tried since then. Shitty Novel was a hot mess, but it was fun.
As is my way, this year's attempt will be posted online for everyone to...enjoy. If you're so inclined, you'll be able to read it here. It won't be the edited version, so don't expect anything glamorous. I'm probably an idiot for posting it online like that, but hey, you know how I roll.
I intend to treat writing like a second job. I've discovered that I have a really hard time writing from my apartment with the shiny internets at my disposal so I'll be heading to locations unknown after work to write during the week. If inspired, I can probably write about 3,000 words in 2 hours.
I've gotten a lot of encouragement to do this and I really appreciate it. I don't have the confidence in my writing that other people seem to, but I hear that's common for writers.
Me, a writer? Who'da thunk it?
Since then I've decided that I AM a good writer. And that it's what I want to be when I grow up. I've decided to take my writing seriously and see if I can get published. My first attempt is going to get jump started by NaNoWriMo this November. Thirty days, fifty thousand words. Totally doable. I completed it in 2005, but haven't really tried since then. Shitty Novel was a hot mess, but it was fun.
As is my way, this year's attempt will be posted online for everyone to...enjoy. If you're so inclined, you'll be able to read it here. It won't be the edited version, so don't expect anything glamorous. I'm probably an idiot for posting it online like that, but hey, you know how I roll.
I intend to treat writing like a second job. I've discovered that I have a really hard time writing from my apartment with the shiny internets at my disposal so I'll be heading to locations unknown after work to write during the week. If inspired, I can probably write about 3,000 words in 2 hours.
I've gotten a lot of encouragement to do this and I really appreciate it. I don't have the confidence in my writing that other people seem to, but I hear that's common for writers.
Me, a writer? Who'da thunk it?
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