Yes, everyone, I AM talking about a man's testicles. I'm going to assume that everyone knows what the testicles are and the purpose they serve. (For those who don't know, please go to Wikipedia.)
What isn't often spoken about is testicular drag and the way it affects the men in our lives. Perhaps the best thing I can do is to talk about some of the symptoms of testicular drag.
- Inability to think clearly when a scantily clad woman walks by
- Inability to think at all when sports are on television
- Inability to understand and speak about simple emotional concepts
- Failure to provide the correct answers to questions, even after being told repeatedly what the correct answer is
- Inability to admit error (especially seeking out directions when clearly lost)
Perhaps the most egregious symptom is mansplaining. Not familiar with the concept? Allow me.
From urbandictionary.com:
delighting in condescending, inaccurate explanations delivered with rock solid confidence of rightness and that slimy certainty that of course he is right, because he is the man in this conversation.
Another definition, perhaps clearer (from Karen Healey's blog):
Mansplaining is when a dude tells you, a woman, how to do something you already know how to do, or how you are wrong about something you are actually right about, or miscellaneous and inaccurate "facts" about something you know a hell of a lot more about than he does.
(She awards bonus points for the man explaining how a woman was wrong about something being sexist.)
We've seen the symptoms. I'd wager we all know someone who suffers from this terrible affliction. But how does it happen? Testicular drag is quite simple: The force of gravity on the testicles pulls energy away from other important activities in man's body - particularly brain function. This provides a simple, yet compelling, explanation for the nonsensical comments and activities of men.
Sadly, there is no cure for testicular drag. The only relief we'd be able to get from TD is for men to acknowledge there is a problem and seek out guidance from those not afflicted. They could learn ways to communicate more effectively and find value in other activities (i.e. shopping and gardening). Sadly, many will not even acknowledge TD exists and will use mansplanations to divert us away from the issue.
For those of you who encounter a man who's suffering an acute episode of TD, the key is to remain calm. Remember their affliction. Speak slowly, using small words. Offer visual clues to guide them (keeping your cleavage covered completely). Mostly importantly, we have to understand their limitations and adjust our expectations accordingly (read: lower them). By following these steps, we'll all be able to live with our men a little more easily.
This PSA was brought to you by your caring friends at Dose of Lyndsy. Please feel free to comment with your thoughts, concerns, or questions. A support group will be created shortly.
From urbandictionary.com:
delighting in condescending, inaccurate explanations delivered with rock solid confidence of rightness and that slimy certainty that of course he is right, because he is the man in this conversation.
Even though he knew she had an advanced degree in neuroscience, he felt the need to mainsplain, "There are molecules in the brain called neurotransmitters."
Another definition, perhaps clearer (from Karen Healey's blog):
Mansplaining is when a dude tells you, a woman, how to do something you already know how to do, or how you are wrong about something you are actually right about, or miscellaneous and inaccurate "facts" about something you know a hell of a lot more about than he does.
(She awards bonus points for the man explaining how a woman was wrong about something being sexist.)
We've seen the symptoms. I'd wager we all know someone who suffers from this terrible affliction. But how does it happen? Testicular drag is quite simple: The force of gravity on the testicles pulls energy away from other important activities in man's body - particularly brain function. This provides a simple, yet compelling, explanation for the nonsensical comments and activities of men.
Sadly, there is no cure for testicular drag. The only relief we'd be able to get from TD is for men to acknowledge there is a problem and seek out guidance from those not afflicted. They could learn ways to communicate more effectively and find value in other activities (i.e. shopping and gardening). Sadly, many will not even acknowledge TD exists and will use mansplanations to divert us away from the issue.
For those of you who encounter a man who's suffering an acute episode of TD, the key is to remain calm. Remember their affliction. Speak slowly, using small words. Offer visual clues to guide them (keeping your cleavage covered completely). Mostly importantly, we have to understand their limitations and adjust our expectations accordingly (read: lower them). By following these steps, we'll all be able to live with our men a little more easily.
This PSA was brought to you by your caring friends at Dose of Lyndsy. Please feel free to comment with your thoughts, concerns, or questions. A support group will be created shortly.
2 comments:
Also, men can prevent TD by wearing underwear...
This is hillarious, but true; to some extent.
E-mail me at glpassion@yahoo.com I'd like to make arrangements to post it on my new web page.
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