I never actually attended a Sadie Hawkins dance, but it's my understanding that the whole point is for girls to ask guys, instead of the other way around. The question I have is whether you can use in this real life, at times where it's not specified that that's the way it's supposed to be.
I want to start by saying that I really do feel bad for guys. There is a lot of pressure on them when it comes to relationships. Society has told us that it is the man's job to pursue and eventually ask the woman out. We've also been trained to believe that if a man doesn't ask us out, he's not interested. One line I hear over and over is, "Well, if he really liked me, he'd ask me out." I always respond that the same could be said in reverse, but the counter is, "It's his job to do the asking." Huh? When did it become someone's job?
What women seem to forget, or maybe they just don't know, is that men may have been forced into a role where they have to do the asking, but that certainly does not mean they enjoy it. Most of my male friends tell me how much they hate doing it. They get nervous, afraid they're going to say the wrong thing and ruin their chances. Sometimes, if they really like a woman, they won't even bother trying because it's too frightening.
Women get to hide behind the veil society wears so they rarely have to put themselves out there first. We think we are by flirting like crazy and dropping hints. But, let's face it, men are dense. You could be wearing a t-shirt that says, "I like you, Evan," and Evan would think you meant someone else. So really, we're not risking anything.
Dating is a complicated, nasty mess. If you're doing it right, you're extremely vulnerable. No one likes to put themselves out there and get rejected. But we all know it has to happen at some point in your life. A good friend of mine once told me that someone's lack of interest in me doesn't actually say anything about me. At first I argued against that. "Of COURSE it does! There is something wrong with me or he would like me!"
The more I thought it though, the more I realized he was right. There have been tons of men I wasn't interested in dating, but there wasn't anything wrong with them. They just weren't for me. Once I got used to that idea, the less being rejected bothered me. I'm not for everyone. (In fact, I'm not for most people. I really ought to come with a warning label.) I'm not saying I look forward to opportunities to be rejected, but if I expect to be treated like an equal in a relationship, I have to be willing to assume some of the risks.
I'm tired of women blathering about how they want equal rights and treatment, but when it comes time to make the first move, they cower behind the idea that the man has to take the chance. Please. Put on your big girl panties and act like a grown-up.
That just leaves one question: Men, do you want us to make the first move?
2 comments:
Interesting. What you say about the terror of asking women out is very correct. My personal experience was that the first girl I asked out, who I thought was pretty and sweet, laughed in my face. Now that I think about it, that probably has something to do with me being 39 and still single.
But yes, I would like very much if women would sometimes take on this part of the process. At least then I wouldn't spend time getting up the courage to ask a woman out and then get the inevitable "but I just want to be friends" at the end of it. Sometimes, I'd rather just get laughed at!
I have to agree with you. Being laughed at it no fun but I think now a days girls should put on their big girl pants and ask us guys out. Maybe then they will understand what us guys go through.
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