Oh, and by the way, I'm an asshole

Idle hands ARE the devil's workshop. Whoever said that must have been talking about boredom and online dating sites. When I have nothing else to do, I fall back into my old habit of shopping for Mr. Lyndsy.

What's astounding is just how amazing, caring, laid-back, and funny everyone on these sites is! Apparently, snowboarding, fishing, and hiking are THE hobbies of Pacific Northwest men. They're all incredibly active and living a semi-healthy lifestyle full of granola.

Not only that, but they are going to be there for you. Supportive to a fault. All while maintaining an impeccable work/life balance. Work hard so they can play hard.

Someone kill me now. They're all damn BOTS I tell you! BOTS!

Perhaps this is what I get for moving out to the granola capital of the world. A bunch of hippies who are all into natural living and eating right all the time. Right, because Starbucks pays its baristas enough to buy that crap.

Not to mention the fact that the weather here is usually too shittastic to engage in the majority of the listed hobbies. We have approximately 4.27 days of decent weather here, but you can bet your ass they're overrunning the waters and mountains to get their sporty fix. OR, they're spending those days THINKING about being outside and active.

What I'm really looking for is a profile that says, "And you know, sometimes I'm an asshole." Someone who is a REAL person. I get that this is our opportunity to put our best foot forward, but if we're all putting forth these ridiculous idealized versions of ourselves, we're all going to wind up sorely disappointed. I try to go into these things with lowered expectations and somehow I am STILL let down. (Anyone remember Mr. Boogers???)

I'm thinking about changing my eye-catching tagline-thing to: Looking for someone who isn't a nature-obsessed granola bot. Think it'll work?