YOU can't possibly know

I'm single, as in never-been-married single. My longest relationship was about 6 months, and I lived with him for about 4 months of it. (Yes, I do have questionable judgment.) I'm so awesome I've moved back in with my parents until I figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life. My credit score could use some help. I couldn't stop going to school, so now I have two advanced degrees I'd rather not have. I don't have kids - I've never even been pregnant (except that time by the aliens, but that soooooooo doesn't count).

So, even though I've obviously had no real, useful experiences in my life, I am still able to offer helpful and constructive advice/opinions sometimes. Yes, you heard me right. Just because I haven't done X, Y, or Z does not mean I'm fucking useless.

For example...
When I was in law school, I had a roommate who insisted that it was necessary to lie to your boyfriend to get him to understand the situation. NECESSARY, she said. I looked at her like she'd lost her mind and then asked something along the lines of, "Wouldn't it be better just to tell him how you really feel?" The way she looked at me you'd think I'd grown a second head. Rather than explain to me what the fuck she meant by that and how lying could ever HELP a situation, she looked me straight in the eye and said, "You'd understand if you'd been in a long-term relationship." I said, "If lying is what it takes to have a successful long-term relationship, I think I'll pass," and I walked away.

Now, at the time it was true that I'd never been in a long-term relationship, but I don't think I've ever been in a situation where lying to someone you really care about actually SOLVED anything. We're pretty well-resolved AGAINST lying in fact. Most of the time we run with the idea that truth and honesty serve as the basis for a successful relationship. Since that time, I have been in a long-term relationship and I can say this, lying did NOT help that situation. Shockingly, it made things much worse.

Another example? Don't mind if I do...
I have a very good friend to whom I turn regularly for advice. I may occasionally be prone to emotional fits and outbursts and I call him when I need to get my head screwed back on the right way. I have an immense amount of respect for his ability to step back from a situation, process it while detached, and come back with a solid conclusion. Apparently not all of his friends have the same idea about him...

A good friend of his was involved in a relationship that was a good time, but the durability of the relationship was a touch questionable. All of a sudden, the guy decides to move in with his girlfriend of 2 months or so. My friend was like, "Um, dude, not smart." His friend retorts, "Well, you've never lived with anyone, so you're not exactly qualified to comment on this." (Okay, I'm making that up, but it went something like that.) In an unsurprising turn of events, they ended up breaking up and he moved out a few months later. Didn't see that one coming...

Something not relationship-related? Okay!
I am the second oldest of 12 cousins. I have spent more time than I would like babysitting my evil shit cousins (okay, they were awful as small ones, better now). I've watched them for extended periods, when they were sick and when they were healthy, and at a range of ages. No, I don't know what it's like to go for days on end with very little sleep and then to have to watch the little one as the insanity sets it. But I DO have some experience with kid moodswings, potential causes of illness, etc.

At this point, I'm one of the few people I know who is childless. For some reason I can't seem to get anyone to fertilize my lady garden (perhaps because I say shit like that...). Because of this, I have to watch myself when my friends talk to me about their kids. I have heard, on more than one occasion and from more than one friend, "I HATE it when people try to tell me how to raise my kid. I know better than anyone what's going on with my kid!"

I never try to tell anyone how to raise their kid. All kids are different, every family dynamic is different, and families have different financial means. Sometimes though, I say useful things. Like when my friend's kid was running a low fever and was cranky as all get out and wouldn't eat much. I suggested, as quietly as possible, that the kid might be teething. Sure enough, the little bugger was cutting some teeth. Made my friend feel a lot better that her kid wasn't dying or suffering too immensely.

The Problem?
Part of the problem is that we chuck our good friend Common Sense out the window when we get emotionally wrapped up in something. Moving in with someone after a couple months? NEVER REALLY BRILLIANT. I can't think of a single person I know where that's worked out well. And we know that if we saw someone else doing it, we would be like, "Well, that shit isn't going to work," though we happily traipse down that path. Lying is RARELY a good idea. (Yes, Mom, I did love those pajamas...). Usually you end up having to explain yourself later and you break the trust you've worked so hard to create.

Some of it is that we don't want to admit that we done fucked up real bad. "You can't possibly know what this is like because you haven't done it" is just a defense mechanism. We don't want to be WRONG, to have to admit that we went down the wrong street. The words our friends say find their way to our fear. If we weren't afraid, we'd be able to hear what someone else is saying without flipping our shit over it. We'd thank them for their words and decide whether to act on their advice, comfortable in the choices we made.

The reality of it is that no one can live anyone else's life and we never really know what's going on for someone else. Every person is different - their experiences, intellectual and emotional capabilities, manner of processing things - all of it. If we believed that people could never offer advice because they aren't US, we'd miss out on vast amounts of wisdom from people we respect and who could help us. You never know, that piece of advice could change your world.

Honestly, this is really just my nice way of saying that the next person who tells me to shut it because I haven't done whatever it is that they're doing is going to be on the receiving end of a loud, angry, profanity-filled tirade that will leave you crying like a school kid who just found out that he has to walk around all day in pants he pooped in.