Don't Honey Me

I am beyond happy that my friends have found love (or are too delusional to realize they're dating a serial killer). I even like that they want to share it with me via Facebook. I don't even care if the proclamations of love come in week intervals.

What I cannot stand, however, is the use of the words "honey," "hubby," "hubs," or "baby." They make me want to take my non-existent fingernails and scrape the skin off my face, strip by strip.

"Out to dinner with my wonderful hubby!" SCRAPE.

Picture caption: "Me and my honey on our way to the beach!" SCRAPE SCRAPE.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE just use his or her name. I could probably even deal with a non-generic nickname too.

Unless you want me to walk around looking like Skeletor and scaring children. Choice is yours.

But really, think of the kids. The kids.

Life is a Highway

I'm afraid of heights. I never get too close to the edge of anything when I'm up high. No matter how much glass or metal railing is between me and the abyss, I won't go near it.

But roller coasters? I love them. And sometimes, the taller and more ridiculous the drop, the more anxious I am to get on it. I ride them to get out of my comfort zone, to challenge myself. There's just something to be said for the feeling of exhilaration you get while riding. High-speed turns! Massive drops! You don't know what's coming next, and while it's a little scary, it's also really exciting.

Apparently my love for roller coasters has translated into other areas of my life, namely my relationships. Most of us have been there. You meet someone and they're different and exciting. All new relationships have that element. Wondering whether you should call or if they'll call. Getting to know them. The first brush of hands. The first kiss. The first time. Each of those is a huge rush and the anticipation is almost enough to kill you.

Where we run into trouble is when that feeling never goes away. You've been dating for 3 months and you're still wondering if she's going to call. You wonder when he's going to introduce you to his friends. Six months has come and your'e still only seeing each once a week. He doesn't want to spend more time with you. She's still talking to her ex-boyfriends, but they're "just friends."

But all your concerns go out the window when you're together. You feel like it's almost magical. Because when you're together, it's all about you. You're back on that ride. The rush you feel when he holds your hand, caressing your thumb.  When she pulls you out of the way and kisses you so passionately you think you're going to explode on the spot. You just get this feeling that he or she knows you so well. Ultimately, you figure the highs outweigh the lows and the cycle continues. At least until it ends, because all roller coaster rides do.

What we seem to ignore the value of a steady relationship. Something more like a long drive on a highway. No, you're not going to have all of the exhilaration of 100 foot drops and hairpin turns. What you get instead is the potential for loads of beautiful scenery. The depth and breadth that comes only when you make a significant investment of time and emotion. There's a deep satisfaction in seeing all that can grow when you get past the first touch, the first kiss, and first time.

The real bonus is that it's a ride that doesn't have to end.

Not a salmon

I've mentioned this before, but I'm what you'd call a "hard learner." I tend to engage in the same patterns of behavior over and over, sometimes without realizing it, other times pretending it's not the same and rationalizing the shit out of it. Fortunately I've reached the point that I'm no longer shocked when the results are the same. (I don't know what's really all that fortunate about it, perhaps I'm just a little less stressed out? Or I'm insane, whichever.)

I was stumbling around the interwebs yesterday, looking for decent por...I mean, inspiration, when I found myself at Clay Collins' page. I got there because the author of the blog I was on said that his "about me" page is the best she'd ever seen. I linked to it, but brace yourself, it's a little on the long side and he comes across as a bit of a toolsack. (No, no one ever says toolsack," but I was getting tired of toolbag, not that anyone but me says that either. Whatever. Don't judge me.)

The damn thing is long enough to have sections and I won't lie, I almost didn't make it to the section entitled "The Power of Giving Up." Y'all get the benefit of me having already read his ego-novella, and can just CTRL+F your way there. This is what got me:

So often we hang onto the complete bullshit that society brainwashed us with . . . until we get to the point that we completely and utterly lack the strength to carry on that way.

I read it and was like, "LIGHT BULB!" He goes on to say that when he dropped everything in his life that didn't make him "ridiculously happy," the rest of his life fell into place.

I don't know how it's possible to drop everything in your life that doesn't make you ridiculously happy, because we have to eat, sleep somewhere safe, etc. However, I'm willing to bet that if I cut out a lot of shit in my life that makes me batty, I would be happier and able to spend more time focusing on the things that do make me ridiculously happy.

His next section is called "Purpose is Not Your Savior (And Lack of Purpose is Not Your Captor)." I really had to stop and think about this one because I know I've said on several occasions how I feel like I'm lacking purpose in my life. I feel directionless and it's disconcerting for me not to feel like I'm going SOMEWHERE.

But then I thought about it and I realized that the push to be going somewhere and doing something specific with your life is imposed on us by society. Why can't the purpose of my life just be to do things that make me feel ridiculously happy and really LIVE my life?

The way I see it now is that purpose is like having a goal. I have loads of goals, but if I'm honest about it, I don't often achieve them. I feel 18 kinds of pressured and I just can't bring myself to work to accomplish them. It's like I could never figure out how to make my purpose meet what makes me ridiculously happy. The idea that I don't really have to have a purpose is extremely freeing. Like wearing a skirt without underwear on a windy day.

For me, the biggest takeaway from his post is this:

The only thing holding you down, holding you back, is your inability to give up on anything that’s not 100% you.  And the only thing that can set you free is your uncompromising refusal to do anything that’s not in 100% alignment with who you really are.

I read it and thought, eh, I don't know. I sat with it a little longer, and it was like DUH! When I'm faced with doing something I really don't want to do, it takes me that much more energy to get moving on it. I go through it that much more slowly and that much less carefully. The end result being that I sometimes get to do it twice. Joy.

There's a catch with this for me though - I think I've forgotten who I really am. (I know that seems hard to believe, but it's true.) There are times I do things or spend time with certain people, and I get a feeling of, "YES! This is IT!" But then, in the bustle that is life, I forget about that feeling until I'm doing whatever it was again or I'm with the same person again.

The problem with the bustle is that I end up feeling like I'm swimming upstream and ultimately just exhausting myself. I need to hang on to that feeling of YES! and make it an everyday feeling so that I'm 100% Lyndsy, 100% of the time.

And no, I'm not offended that you were just a little horrified right then.

From the Archives: Fatty Walking

I was perusing cnn.com today and I came across this story. There are so many things I want to say about this, I'm afraid it's all going to come out a jumbled mess. Oh well, you'll deal.

1. Anyone who thinks they can walk ACROSS the country in six months has to be out of his/her mind.

2. He's ranting and raving about how he needs to take control of and change his life. Yet, on this trek, he's been eating fast food. I can see how eating fast food would help with weight loss...oh, wait, no I can't.

3. It's amazing to me that he's only lost 105 pounds on this year-long trek. Oh wait, no I'm not, see #2 above.

4. "He says he's gone through 15 pair of shoes, 12 pairs of pants, three shirts, 30 pairs of socks and his own sanity -- twice."
a. I can get the shoes and pants, but only THREE shirts. Methinks that's a tad on the nasty size.
b. I'm not sure he ever had his sanity. Most people would get a gym membership and hop on the treadmill, but no, he decides to trek across the United States.

5. He speaks of taking control of his life, but he left his family behind in California. I think it's safe to assume that he's not working right now, so who is helping to support his family?

In the article it mentions his website. So I went, expecting a great site, all about his motivation and commitment to a healthy lifestyle. I clicked on the link that takes you to the page where he says why he's doing this.

My Name is Steve Vaught, (born Stephen James Liller in Youngstown, Ohio). I am a 39 year old, happily married father of two great kids and I have a pretty good life here in Southern California. You would think that I would be happy because of these things, but I am not. I am not happy because I am fat and being fat makes every day unhappy.
I don't actually think that he's not happy because he's fat. Maybe he just doesn't know how to value the things he does have.

I am going to walk across the United states from San Diego to NYC to lose weight and regain my life!
Treadmill?

Being fat is physically and emotionally painful. It diminishes the quality of the good things in life and it will ultimately bring about an early demise. So being overweight darkens every good thing that you achieve in your life and even prevents some things from happening at all.
For all of you who read this and don't know, I am a fatty. I wasn't always fat, but I am now. And what this guy is saying, just isn't true. I've celebrated many happy days without thinking, "God, this would be so much better if I weren't a fatty!" I graduated from college and was accepted to law school while being a fatty. Nowhere on any application has it asked me, "Are you a fatty? (If so, cease filling out this application as you will not be admitted.)"

For the last 15 years I have been slowly gaining weight and it seems that whatever I do, it just spirals ever upward.
Put down the cupcake! Say "Yes" to the salad bar and "No" to the fries!

Socially being fat is hard to deal with because I feel that am looked down upon by people even when they are not doing so maliciously. It may be human nature. You know, "survival of the fittest". Also, I feel as though I am being taken advantage of by companies and people that want fat people to buy their latest "miracle pill" or prepackaged food that will help me lose the weight.
The big problem here is the intelligence factor. I am fat, but I do not feel that I'm being taken advantage of with miracle pills. I know they're crap and I move on. I personally think that those pills are marketed to anorexic girls who always think they're fat when what they actually are doing is giving Calista Flockhart a run for her money for "Human Skeleton of the Year."

So, after consulting the family and getting their blessing I have made the decision to stop this merry go round and dedicate myself to losing the extra weight. I have an addiction and there needs to be dedication and sacrifice to cure addictions. If I had a drug or alcohol addiction I would go to rehab. Well, what I have in mind is rehab for the fat guy.
I'm assuming his addiction is food. Perhaps he should have tried getting his jaw wired shut. Mighty hard to shovel food in your mouth if you can't open it.

I am going to take six months out of my life and walk across the United States from San Diego to NYC.
Ah yes, the six months that turned into over a year. How he thought he could do it in six months in the first place is beyond me.

My main purpose in undertaking this journey is losing weight. More importantly though, I need to change the behaviors that have allowed me to be in this situation in the first place. I know that to permanently lose this weight I must learn to be more responsible to myself.
Obviously, eating fast food the whole way across the country is EXACTLY the way to do that. Well done, Fat Man. Perhaps, since this got to be a huge thing, he could have stopped off at people's homes, not slept in a tent, and eaten a real meal every now and then.

Nuts you say? Well, maybe.
No "maybe" about it.

But how nutty is spending a fortune on miracle weight loss drugs or fad diets that never seem to have lasting results or dangerous surgeries that cost about the same as a luxury car?
Surgery isn't the only way to not be a fat ass anymore.

What about the fact that only 3% of weight loss attempts are permanently successful?
So, somehow him walking across the country makes his weight loss more likely to succeed?

What about the anxiety, depression and pain involved in everyday activities when you are fat?
He's going to give my fat ass anxiety if he keeps this up!

I donÂ’t want to miss out on birthdays, graduation, marriages and grandkids because I chose not to take my life back.
I'm interested in knowing why he's missing out on this stuff. My family welcomes my rotundity to family functions still. I also have a feeling that they still will, whether I want to go or not.

I am going to sacrifice some time out of my regular life to gain 30- 40 years of a better, leaner, healthier and happier life.
I doubt he'll be happy now if he wasn't happy before.

So considering all of that, I would be nuts not to do this.
Do I even need to comment?

Losing the weight will be the easy part. I plan to keep the weight off in the future by maintaining a proper diet and level of activity needed, as well as remembering how easy it is to gain weight and difficult to lose it.
Has losing the weight really been the easy part? He still needs to lose a lot more before he's really considered healthy, and what level of activity compares to walking across the country?

I think this man wasted a year of his life that he could have spent with his family. He could have gone walking around his neighborhood, changed his diet, and developed a healthier and more positive attitude on life, and all at home.

I just hope he's not walking back.